As if there wasn't plenty of opportunities to reflect on life in my daily routine I have to endure a day of these thoughts washing over me with the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face. I must look back at this past year, "25" and think about what worked, what didn't and what to do for the next year.
This was a rollercoaster of a year. Some of the highest highs and lowest lows of my entire life. I won't detail them here, because most of you already know. But dealing with these has been so difficult and a test of my patience, peace of mind, and the capacity of my heart. Let's look towards the future and what I can do better in the coming year, because if I think about it all too much I'll cry. Which makes me just want to announce for the record, yes I know I am dramatic, yes I know I'm overly emotional. It's just part of me. I can't change it to any great extent. That's just me. Love it or leave. Emo-ness and all.
In this next year, first and foremost I want to take the time and effort to let everybody in my life know how much I love them and how much they mean to me. These things are always assumed and taken for granted, and nobody deserves this. If you care about someone, tell them. If they do something nice for you, thank them, whether it be in words or returned favors. Let's all take care of each other and let one another just how much love there is. Don't let a single person slip away or grow cold just because you didn't take time to pay attention to the little things and be the most caring person you could be. And in keeping in spirit of this, I would just like to say a big thank you to Kim for making my last birthday really fun and special. That means a lot to me.
Health is another thing, and I know it sounds terribly cliche to talk about it, but it's true. The body's only going to get weaker and metabolism slower. Now's the time to start taking care of myself, eating better and exercising regularly. I started this in the past few weeks, and I hope to continue it. Because not only do I feel better, but I will eventually lose a little weight and be more tone, and that would be awesome.
The other important thing for this year is to pursue my dreams and desires to the fullest. Life's not getting any longer, and the opportunities are not getting more plentiful. As Ryan Adams says, "If you want any flowers, you've got to get your seeds into the ground." So that's what I'm going to try to do. Plant the seeds of success, whether that be through meeting more film people, taking some informal classes on some high-end software, or continue writing. Now is the time to go for it. I've been off to a good start this year. Marshall and I have completed two feature-length scripts and are working on a short currently. This is progress, and it should continue, full strength. Never should the desire to just laze around, drink, or play video games come before making my dreams happen. I've spent enough of my early to mid-20s just playing like the thoughtless grasshopper in summer. True I've gained some grit and survival skills in the past two years that have helped me grow immensely inside, but I still didn't have my eye on the prize, wasn't feeling that metaphorical "fire" under me, except in brief moments when some of those around me would pump me up, and show that they believed in me. God, if only I had started taking all of this serious earlier, things could have been so different, or at least got rolling earlier. Because now I feel I am coming to the sink or swim point, whether I decide to continue wallowing in just "getting-by" or really go for it and carve out a respectable existence for myself. I feel like I still have so much to do and say, so much to think and dream.
These are just a couple of things I had to put down on "paper." I suppose part of me believes that if I put it in writing then it will be more material and substantial. And it's not the most elegantly written thing in the world, but I just needed to spit this out to all of you, and myself. Let you know where I'm at mentally on this day, because most people ask you on your birthday, "how do you feel? do you feel any older?" Do I still feel young? I guess. Do I feel a little old? Yup. So this is how I feel.
To end things on a funny note, here's the lyrics to Shake's new birthday song from Aqua Teen Hunger Force because he hated the traditional birthday song. It was played by Zakk Wylde and was crazy. Enjoy!
"Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary"
Deep within the womb of time,
a creature thus be born
The seed of life is united with
the egg of tyranny
Gestates forth from within the womb of life
for three-quarter and nigh a year
The creature thus be born!
The creature thus be formed!
And ye of years ... bells will chime!
When the heavens open up
and drink from the silver cup
The creature thus be born!
And blow the magic horn!
To alert the spirit deep within the cycle of life.
The creature has begun it's journey deep forlorn,
upon this day which he be formed
In the sea of mucus the spirit rides down from the mountain
and unites with the creature in the womb
A holy union, dark mortality, until the dark mortality
breaks the chain of life
The creature thus be born
And every year raineth down the celebratory tears
A celebration of the years
from mere mortal sky
5 comments:
Do also take into account that "getting by" doesn't mean giving up. Think of someone like Kevin Smith, he was working at a gas station/video store, but had the desire to make something of his life. This didn't mean quitting the store, this meant spending every spare moment of his time working on bettering his life (or quality of life if you may).
Just because you might be forced into working somewhere you might not want to work doesn't mean that your after-work life has to be defined by where you work. Most people hate their jobs, but that doesn't mean they don't go to them or are giving up some sort of dream. My dream is not to be working where I am working, but for now, it's all I can do.
Futurama put it best. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Aspirations are nice, but you gotta eat and you gotta have a place to sleep. If shoveling elephant shit at the zoo pays your bills, then how is that any worse than any other job that pays your bills? That's how I've always looked at it.
I hope the short script is coming along nicely, because hollywood is going to need some new writers once this strike is over with.
Oh yeah, happy birthday
I hate to say it but nike said it even better. Just do it.
Same advice you gave me a few weeks ago!
Just work. Just pay the bills. Just use your free time to further your goals. I totally agree. Yeah... there's no shame in what might be construed by high society as a lowly job. Look at me, I'm a salty sea captain and bigtime magazine publisher on my free time. But luckily I love delivering wine and THAT pays the bills.
i have total faith in you and can't wait to see what happens over the next year!
if cupcake royale cakes weren't all natural and going bad so quickly i'd send you some red velvets. i'll think of something else.
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